Information overload

At the end of December I received my Adoption Planner from my agency. Basically, it's a thick 3 ring binder with information on the preparation of my dossier. The dossier is a collection of documents that includes my home study (which is a collection of documents within itself), my birth certificate, passport, medical forms, medical letters, criminal checks, psychological assessment, employment verification, a notarized bank statement, letters of recommendation, application letter, my resume, guardianship declaration, financial statement, income tax return, commitment to post-adoption reports and pictures of me and my house (inside and out), and pictures of my parents, sister and her children. Are you tired of reading yet?? Talk about an overwhelming list of things to do! And, I've been told by my agency that every single page of every single document has to be notarized. I have no idea how to get all of this done, but I, like many others before me, will find a way.

Also included with the adoption planner was a workbook called "With Eyes Wide Open". It's 180 pages and is filled with questions that I have to answer - and unfortunately there are no multiple choice! It's all "essay" type answers. And, the questions range from questions about my childhood to questions about what I expect to happen when I bring my child home; and everything in between! I also have to complete 12 hours of online education. And, I had to go to Dallas yesterday for a 4 hour class with my home study agency (not to be confused with the adoption agency). Yes, it's a very involved, very time consuming process. But not for one second have I thought about changing my mind!

I had a call from my case worker at my adoption agency to go over the adoption planner. They sent a disk with a lot of the forms on it so all I have to do is fill in the pertinent information and print it. That will save a lot of time! I always feel so much better (i.e., less overwhelmed) after I've spoken with my agency. They have been so great about staying in touch and keeping me updated on everything. Right now, they call every other Monday, or sooner if new things need to be discussed. With adoption, you just never know when or how things might change. Each country has a different set of rules and regulations and the government can seemingly change the rules mid-stream. I got a call about such a change last week. My case worker called and said they had received word that Nepal states that they are limiting adoptions to 10 children per agency per year. She also said that the wording was a bit confusing and many agencies were planning a massive conference call with the lawyers in Nepal last Thursday to try to get things clarified. If they do in fact change the rules, then that is very disappointing for me. I was not one of the first 10 families to apply with my agency, which means my paperwork won't be submitted to Nepal until 2010. I expect a call from my agency tomorrow and will hopefully know more then. As for now, I'm forging ahead with the paperwork because as I said, you just never know when things will change. I'm certainly not giving up. According to my agency, there are 48 agencies in the US that work with Nepali orphanages. If Nepal allows only 10 children per agency, that is only 480 children. Because Nepal's adoption program was closed for about two years, they have many, many children in orphanages so I don't see how they can limit the adoptions to 480 per year. I'm trying to remain hopeful until I hear that they are indeed changing the rules.

So yesterday I had to be in Dallas by 9AM. I hate driving in Dallas. I very rarely go to Dallas so I don't know my way around and I'm just not used to that much traffic. I had directions printed from Mapquest, and I found the place fairly easily, only missing one turn and was able to correct that easily. Coming back home was a bit of a different story. I didn't exactly get lost. I knew where I needed to be, I just had a hard time getting there because I never could seem to be in the right lane at the right time! Needless to say, I was happy to finally hit I-20 and know I was almost home! The class went really well. It wasn't even what I would call a "class". There were two married couples, another single woman and myself. Two social workers basically just sat and talked with us, showed us a video and let us ask questions, express fears, etc. And they fed us all the fruit, muffins, sweet rolls and coffee we could stand! It was a very relaxed atmosphere. They gave us all a huge binder with a lot of info. One of the married couples is adopting a little girl from Nepal and were as disappointed about the possible changes as I am. We exchanged emails and will hopefully keep in touch through our journey to bring our daughters home. I really enjoyed the experience a lot. So far, I really can't complain about any of the process. I am working on my education hours. Mom and I have both sent off the paperwork to get a passport. I need to make a doctor's appointment and start printing the forms from the disk.

It is hard for me to put into words how I feel lately. First of all, I am eating pretty much everything in sight, which is not good. I couldn't figure out why I feel the need to eat all the time and when I talked to Kristi about it, she just said very matter-of-factly - "Because you're stressed!" It seems like such an obvious answer and yet I didn't see it. I know I'm stressed, but I don't feel stressed in a bad way. I have so much to do, and I am so overwhelmed, and I'm trying to raise money, etc etc. All stressful. Plus, working nights and not sleeping much due to the stress doesn't help. And yet at the same time, I have the most incredible peace. It's really amazing. With all the stress I'm dealing with, I am also very excited and happier than I've been in a very long time. The only way I can explain it is to say that I feel that I am on the path God intended me to be on, and the peace I feel comes from Him. I don't have any panicky moments of "what the heck am I doing??" I just feel very calm. Peace. It's great!