For anyone who is interested, I've re-started a blog about work. AOL shut down their blog site and I copied all my entries, but haven't taken the time to transfer them to my new blog (and I'm not sure I ever will). Anyway, here is the link to my other blog:
From Nursing Student to LVN
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Early morning ramblings
It's 5AM on Sunday morning and I'm wide awake. This seems to be the norm for me lately. I sleep odd hours because I work nights but lately it seems my sleep pattern is even more weird if that's possible. I'm sure a lot of my problems with sleep lately are due to stress. My emotions are all over the place lately. Some days I'm optimistic and almost giddy about the adoption but most days I'm overwhelmed and basically feel like it's never going to happen. When I have a lot to do and feel overwhelmed by it all, I tend to cope by avoiding it. I know that's strange. Avoiding what needs to be done certainly doesn't help move the process along! So yesterday I decided I would just start with one step at a time and plow through it. After all, it's not like all these documents are going to get filled out on their own, and I haven't seen any little fairies flying around here lately filling out paperwork for me (though I would certainly be grateful for a few fairies!)
I did finally finish the 180 page workbook my agency sent me. It took me weeks to finish it. It was exhausting but it really did open my eyes to the problems I could encounter with adoption. I know parenting is totally a hands-on learning experience but I feel better equipped about what to look for when I bring my baby home.
I have 6 online courses to complete and yesterday I finished 3 of the 6. They take about an hour each so I was happy that I got half of them finished. I also sent out the form to my friends who are my references, and I sent the order form for my birth certificate. I've got the original but I don't really want to use it as part of my dossier so I'm ordering a couple certified copies. Now I need to make a doctor's appointment to get a physical and I also need to get my records from the clinic at TJC because it's got the dates I had my hep B series. I had to get all my shots again for nursing school so I hope that will be sufficient for my dossier. I have to get an updated TB test, which I need for work anyway. That's a yearly thing for me.
I did get my passport already. I was surprised it came so quickly. My mom is having trouble with hers because my grandma didn't record her birth until two years after she was born. I don't really see the big deal with that. Her birth was still recorded so what difference does it make that it was two years later?? My mom was my grandma's 4th child in almost as many years and she had her hands full. Who had time to register a birth?? I know with all the 9/11 terrorist stuff the laws are tougher but my mom does not fit the profile of a terrorist in any way, shape or form! At least we started this process early so hopefully she can get it straightened out way before we're ready to travel. I can't imagine making the trip to get my daughter without my mom by my side. It would be perfect if my dad and sister were there too, but we can't all go. Kristi has 3 boys to take care of and I can't see her leaving them for 2 weeks, plus it's very expensive to fly to Nepal, not to mention hotel, food and transportation. I'm not even sure yet how I'm going to afford it. I just keep having faith that God will provide. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see" - Hebrews 11:1
It seems as if Nepal is sticking with the 10 adoptions per agency rule, at least for now. They are, however, making contengencies for special needs children, which they are in the process of listing. My agency called me last week to ask if I'd be open to a special needs child. I told her I would consider it. In adoption, "special needs" includes everything from birth marks to less than perfect vision to HIV positive. I, as a prospective adoptive parent, can specify what special needs I will accept and which ones I will not. Of course not all things are predictable, just like with giving birth to a child. You don't always know what your child might be born with. When I was born both my eyes were crossed. I'm sure my parents didn't know this before I was born. I'm not sure what my mom's first thoughts were when she saw me and my crossed eyes. It never occured to me to ask her. Maybe she was shocked and disappointed. Maybe she didn't care that I was less than perfect. Either way, she loved me and got help to correct my eyes. I had my first surgery at 9 months of age and started wearing glasses when I was one year old. I've had several more surgeries and my left eye still isn't right, and never will be, but my parents never seemed to love me any less because of it. So how I can, in good conscience, say that I won't accept a child with less than perfect vision, or some other correctable special need? There are some needs that I'm not sure I can handle either emotionally or financially, but I am willing to consider certain needs.
On a lighter note, I have not picked a name for my baby girl yet. I know she will have a name that was given to her either by her birth mother or by a caretaker at the orphange, and I feel pretty certain that I will keep that name as a middle name, but it's pretty standard practice for adoptive parents to give the baby an American name, especially when adopting an infant. Anyway, I just can't come up with anything that I just love. There are several names that I really like, but nothing has just 'clicked' yet. Everybody says I'll know what to name her when I see her, but what if I don't? I'm trying to compile a list of favorites, hoping one of them will fit her when I see her. Mandy, one of my coworkers and someone I've known for many years because she and my sister were best friends when they were in school, calls my baby Lyla Jane. I don't argue with her, but I can assure you that is NOT my baby's name! LOL! So if anyone has any ideas, I'm all ears. My extended family on both sides is huge so finding a name that hasn't been used is hard to do. Of course I don't see most of my extended family, ever. But still. I'd like a name that no one else in my family has. That is no easy task!
I'm rambling now so I should probably wrap this up and try to go back to sleep since I have to work tonight. I do want to say that the support and encouragement I've received have been overwhelming to me. I would still adopt even if people didn't agree with my decision, but it is nice to have the love and support from people I love. You just never know how people will react when you tell them you're going to be a single mom. So, to my mom and dad, Kristi, Aunt Barbara, Aunt Brenda, Aunt Margie, and Amy......thank you all for loving me and for standing beside me during this crazy ride of emotions! I love you all with all my heart!
I did finally finish the 180 page workbook my agency sent me. It took me weeks to finish it. It was exhausting but it really did open my eyes to the problems I could encounter with adoption. I know parenting is totally a hands-on learning experience but I feel better equipped about what to look for when I bring my baby home.
I have 6 online courses to complete and yesterday I finished 3 of the 6. They take about an hour each so I was happy that I got half of them finished. I also sent out the form to my friends who are my references, and I sent the order form for my birth certificate. I've got the original but I don't really want to use it as part of my dossier so I'm ordering a couple certified copies. Now I need to make a doctor's appointment to get a physical and I also need to get my records from the clinic at TJC because it's got the dates I had my hep B series. I had to get all my shots again for nursing school so I hope that will be sufficient for my dossier. I have to get an updated TB test, which I need for work anyway. That's a yearly thing for me.
I did get my passport already. I was surprised it came so quickly. My mom is having trouble with hers because my grandma didn't record her birth until two years after she was born. I don't really see the big deal with that. Her birth was still recorded so what difference does it make that it was two years later?? My mom was my grandma's 4th child in almost as many years and she had her hands full. Who had time to register a birth?? I know with all the 9/11 terrorist stuff the laws are tougher but my mom does not fit the profile of a terrorist in any way, shape or form! At least we started this process early so hopefully she can get it straightened out way before we're ready to travel. I can't imagine making the trip to get my daughter without my mom by my side. It would be perfect if my dad and sister were there too, but we can't all go. Kristi has 3 boys to take care of and I can't see her leaving them for 2 weeks, plus it's very expensive to fly to Nepal, not to mention hotel, food and transportation. I'm not even sure yet how I'm going to afford it. I just keep having faith that God will provide. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see" - Hebrews 11:1
It seems as if Nepal is sticking with the 10 adoptions per agency rule, at least for now. They are, however, making contengencies for special needs children, which they are in the process of listing. My agency called me last week to ask if I'd be open to a special needs child. I told her I would consider it. In adoption, "special needs" includes everything from birth marks to less than perfect vision to HIV positive. I, as a prospective adoptive parent, can specify what special needs I will accept and which ones I will not. Of course not all things are predictable, just like with giving birth to a child. You don't always know what your child might be born with. When I was born both my eyes were crossed. I'm sure my parents didn't know this before I was born. I'm not sure what my mom's first thoughts were when she saw me and my crossed eyes. It never occured to me to ask her. Maybe she was shocked and disappointed. Maybe she didn't care that I was less than perfect. Either way, she loved me and got help to correct my eyes. I had my first surgery at 9 months of age and started wearing glasses when I was one year old. I've had several more surgeries and my left eye still isn't right, and never will be, but my parents never seemed to love me any less because of it. So how I can, in good conscience, say that I won't accept a child with less than perfect vision, or some other correctable special need? There are some needs that I'm not sure I can handle either emotionally or financially, but I am willing to consider certain needs.
On a lighter note, I have not picked a name for my baby girl yet. I know she will have a name that was given to her either by her birth mother or by a caretaker at the orphange, and I feel pretty certain that I will keep that name as a middle name, but it's pretty standard practice for adoptive parents to give the baby an American name, especially when adopting an infant. Anyway, I just can't come up with anything that I just love. There are several names that I really like, but nothing has just 'clicked' yet. Everybody says I'll know what to name her when I see her, but what if I don't? I'm trying to compile a list of favorites, hoping one of them will fit her when I see her. Mandy, one of my coworkers and someone I've known for many years because she and my sister were best friends when they were in school, calls my baby Lyla Jane. I don't argue with her, but I can assure you that is NOT my baby's name! LOL! So if anyone has any ideas, I'm all ears. My extended family on both sides is huge so finding a name that hasn't been used is hard to do. Of course I don't see most of my extended family, ever. But still. I'd like a name that no one else in my family has. That is no easy task!
I'm rambling now so I should probably wrap this up and try to go back to sleep since I have to work tonight. I do want to say that the support and encouragement I've received have been overwhelming to me. I would still adopt even if people didn't agree with my decision, but it is nice to have the love and support from people I love. You just never know how people will react when you tell them you're going to be a single mom. So, to my mom and dad, Kristi, Aunt Barbara, Aunt Brenda, Aunt Margie, and Amy......thank you all for loving me and for standing beside me during this crazy ride of emotions! I love you all with all my heart!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Information overload
At the end of December I received my Adoption Planner from my agency. Basically, it's a thick 3 ring binder with information on the preparation of my dossier. The dossier is a collection of documents that includes my home study (which is a collection of documents within itself), my birth certificate, passport, medical forms, medical letters, criminal checks, psychological assessment, employment verification, a notarized bank statement, letters of recommendation, application letter, my resume, guardianship declaration, financial statement, income tax return, commitment to post-adoption reports and pictures of me and my house (inside and out), and pictures of my parents, sister and her children. Are you tired of reading yet?? Talk about an overwhelming list of things to do! And, I've been told by my agency that every single page of every single document has to be notarized. I have no idea how to get all of this done, but I, like many others before me, will find a way.
Also included with the adoption planner was a workbook called "With Eyes Wide Open". It's 180 pages and is filled with questions that I have to answer - and unfortunately there are no multiple choice! It's all "essay" type answers. And, the questions range from questions about my childhood to questions about what I expect to happen when I bring my child home; and everything in between! I also have to complete 12 hours of online education. And, I had to go to Dallas yesterday for a 4 hour class with my home study agency (not to be confused with the adoption agency). Yes, it's a very involved, very time consuming process. But not for one second have I thought about changing my mind!
I had a call from my case worker at my adoption agency to go over the adoption planner. They sent a disk with a lot of the forms on it so all I have to do is fill in the pertinent information and print it. That will save a lot of time! I always feel so much better (i.e., less overwhelmed) after I've spoken with my agency. They have been so great about staying in touch and keeping me updated on everything. Right now, they call every other Monday, or sooner if new things need to be discussed. With adoption, you just never know when or how things might change. Each country has a different set of rules and regulations and the government can seemingly change the rules mid-stream. I got a call about such a change last week. My case worker called and said they had received word that Nepal states that they are limiting adoptions to 10 children per agency per year. She also said that the wording was a bit confusing and many agencies were planning a massive conference call with the lawyers in Nepal last Thursday to try to get things clarified. If they do in fact change the rules, then that is very disappointing for me. I was not one of the first 10 families to apply with my agency, which means my paperwork won't be submitted to Nepal until 2010. I expect a call from my agency tomorrow and will hopefully know more then. As for now, I'm forging ahead with the paperwork because as I said, you just never know when things will change. I'm certainly not giving up. According to my agency, there are 48 agencies in the US that work with Nepali orphanages. If Nepal allows only 10 children per agency, that is only 480 children. Because Nepal's adoption program was closed for about two years, they have many, many children in orphanages so I don't see how they can limit the adoptions to 480 per year. I'm trying to remain hopeful until I hear that they are indeed changing the rules.
So yesterday I had to be in Dallas by 9AM. I hate driving in Dallas. I very rarely go to Dallas so I don't know my way around and I'm just not used to that much traffic. I had directions printed from Mapquest, and I found the place fairly easily, only missing one turn and was able to correct that easily. Coming back home was a bit of a different story. I didn't exactly get lost. I knew where I needed to be, I just had a hard time getting there because I never could seem to be in the right lane at the right time! Needless to say, I was happy to finally hit I-20 and know I was almost home! The class went really well. It wasn't even what I would call a "class". There were two married couples, another single woman and myself. Two social workers basically just sat and talked with us, showed us a video and let us ask questions, express fears, etc. And they fed us all the fruit, muffins, sweet rolls and coffee we could stand! It was a very relaxed atmosphere. They gave us all a huge binder with a lot of info. One of the married couples is adopting a little girl from Nepal and were as disappointed about the possible changes as I am. We exchanged emails and will hopefully keep in touch through our journey to bring our daughters home. I really enjoyed the experience a lot. So far, I really can't complain about any of the process. I am working on my education hours. Mom and I have both sent off the paperwork to get a passport. I need to make a doctor's appointment and start printing the forms from the disk.
It is hard for me to put into words how I feel lately. First of all, I am eating pretty much everything in sight, which is not good. I couldn't figure out why I feel the need to eat all the time and when I talked to Kristi about it, she just said very matter-of-factly - "Because you're stressed!" It seems like such an obvious answer and yet I didn't see it. I know I'm stressed, but I don't feel stressed in a bad way. I have so much to do, and I am so overwhelmed, and I'm trying to raise money, etc etc. All stressful. Plus, working nights and not sleeping much due to the stress doesn't help. And yet at the same time, I have the most incredible peace. It's really amazing. With all the stress I'm dealing with, I am also very excited and happier than I've been in a very long time. The only way I can explain it is to say that I feel that I am on the path God intended me to be on, and the peace I feel comes from Him. I don't have any panicky moments of "what the heck am I doing??" I just feel very calm. Peace. It's great!
Also included with the adoption planner was a workbook called "With Eyes Wide Open". It's 180 pages and is filled with questions that I have to answer - and unfortunately there are no multiple choice! It's all "essay" type answers. And, the questions range from questions about my childhood to questions about what I expect to happen when I bring my child home; and everything in between! I also have to complete 12 hours of online education. And, I had to go to Dallas yesterday for a 4 hour class with my home study agency (not to be confused with the adoption agency). Yes, it's a very involved, very time consuming process. But not for one second have I thought about changing my mind!
I had a call from my case worker at my adoption agency to go over the adoption planner. They sent a disk with a lot of the forms on it so all I have to do is fill in the pertinent information and print it. That will save a lot of time! I always feel so much better (i.e., less overwhelmed) after I've spoken with my agency. They have been so great about staying in touch and keeping me updated on everything. Right now, they call every other Monday, or sooner if new things need to be discussed. With adoption, you just never know when or how things might change. Each country has a different set of rules and regulations and the government can seemingly change the rules mid-stream. I got a call about such a change last week. My case worker called and said they had received word that Nepal states that they are limiting adoptions to 10 children per agency per year. She also said that the wording was a bit confusing and many agencies were planning a massive conference call with the lawyers in Nepal last Thursday to try to get things clarified. If they do in fact change the rules, then that is very disappointing for me. I was not one of the first 10 families to apply with my agency, which means my paperwork won't be submitted to Nepal until 2010. I expect a call from my agency tomorrow and will hopefully know more then. As for now, I'm forging ahead with the paperwork because as I said, you just never know when things will change. I'm certainly not giving up. According to my agency, there are 48 agencies in the US that work with Nepali orphanages. If Nepal allows only 10 children per agency, that is only 480 children. Because Nepal's adoption program was closed for about two years, they have many, many children in orphanages so I don't see how they can limit the adoptions to 480 per year. I'm trying to remain hopeful until I hear that they are indeed changing the rules.
So yesterday I had to be in Dallas by 9AM. I hate driving in Dallas. I very rarely go to Dallas so I don't know my way around and I'm just not used to that much traffic. I had directions printed from Mapquest, and I found the place fairly easily, only missing one turn and was able to correct that easily. Coming back home was a bit of a different story. I didn't exactly get lost. I knew where I needed to be, I just had a hard time getting there because I never could seem to be in the right lane at the right time! Needless to say, I was happy to finally hit I-20 and know I was almost home! The class went really well. It wasn't even what I would call a "class". There were two married couples, another single woman and myself. Two social workers basically just sat and talked with us, showed us a video and let us ask questions, express fears, etc. And they fed us all the fruit, muffins, sweet rolls and coffee we could stand! It was a very relaxed atmosphere. They gave us all a huge binder with a lot of info. One of the married couples is adopting a little girl from Nepal and were as disappointed about the possible changes as I am. We exchanged emails and will hopefully keep in touch through our journey to bring our daughters home. I really enjoyed the experience a lot. So far, I really can't complain about any of the process. I am working on my education hours. Mom and I have both sent off the paperwork to get a passport. I need to make a doctor's appointment and start printing the forms from the disk.
It is hard for me to put into words how I feel lately. First of all, I am eating pretty much everything in sight, which is not good. I couldn't figure out why I feel the need to eat all the time and when I talked to Kristi about it, she just said very matter-of-factly - "Because you're stressed!" It seems like such an obvious answer and yet I didn't see it. I know I'm stressed, but I don't feel stressed in a bad way. I have so much to do, and I am so overwhelmed, and I'm trying to raise money, etc etc. All stressful. Plus, working nights and not sleeping much due to the stress doesn't help. And yet at the same time, I have the most incredible peace. It's really amazing. With all the stress I'm dealing with, I am also very excited and happier than I've been in a very long time. The only way I can explain it is to say that I feel that I am on the path God intended me to be on, and the peace I feel comes from Him. I don't have any panicky moments of "what the heck am I doing??" I just feel very calm. Peace. It's great!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)